Closed Until Further Notice
I am tired of all the bullshit and fakery and pretense handed to you from those who are supposed to care.
Whether it be friends or family or past lovers, I'm sick of loving and caring so deeply then being left to feel I was the only one who really did. I allow people to steal my self worth...no no, I actually hand it over to them, opening my heart, letting myself be vulnerable, oh so vulnerable, making the mistake of believing they have as much love for me as I have for them. I give them everything only to have it be tossed aside in the end.
I'm tired of abandonment, intentional and otherwise. And yet sometimes that is what I wish I could do, abandon it all, every person and every thing and become a rock. Already I'm an island. If this is how the world shows me how I must be, this is how I must become.
I've grown sick of the world and all in it, but yet there's a part of me that wants to embrace it and run wild with it, eat it all up and know what living actually is.
I am growing old. We all are. Our time here is finite. Why can't we stop with all the bullshit and illusion? Why can't we all be honest and real and vulnerable and live with hearts open?
I am hurting, I am saddened, I grieve daily for all that was and all that could have been.
My heart has been open too long in a world that has no place for people like me.
What Good a Heart?
There it is
laying on the ground
hardly recognizable
as a human heart
covered in dirt and splinters
as it is
near colorless now
drained of blood and spirit
no more useful
than a child's ball
toss it back and forth
kick it down the street
until it's torn apart
defiled and deflated
then toss it into the dumpster
where all useless and abandoned things go
and take it away to be buried
among all the other broken, wasted things
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