glimmer

 i can sometimes feel it

a tiny pulse within a pulse

like that flash you catch in the corner of your eye

that you're not sure you really saw

i have to believe in it 

i have to trust my choice

(at least i had the courage to make one)

when there's no one or nothing else i can trust

and even then i question

i have been drowning

in the muck and mire 

of indecision

hearing only what i want to hear

believing only what i want to be true

i have fallen prey to words and touch

to wishes and dreams

to others needs   and my own

i have given all and accepted less

trying to convince myself it was enough

it is time to come home to myself again

to let go of fairy tale dreams

and ground myself in what is

instead of what isn't

to recognize that all i have is me

and no matter how much more i want

no matter how much i have to give

somehow i must be enough

for me

so i dry my tears

hold my hands over my heart

and tell myself hope lives here

maybe one day 

i will believe

tonight

i have a date with the moon tonight

and a promise to show up as my true self,

to bathe naked in her light.

i will wear only moonstone as a bridge

between the moon and me

and hematite to ground me in the truth.

i will allow her light to permeate my dark places

and all the fragmented pieces of myself

so i may become a more compassionate friend to myself

to end pisces cycle of old beliefs and limitations

and heal wounds both old and recent.

i will petition mother moon

to help me to no longer condemn my feelings and sensitivities

but instead hold them close to bless them

and thank them for their medicine 

so i am able to release them and begin fresh.