thoughts and insecurities
not wanting to feel this need in me
to be loved
to be needed
to be desired
wanting to not know
what i have come to know
about myself
and love
and how that feels
i was better off
not opening up
not forfeiting my heart
to know love
but it's too late now
i can't undo the knowing
so i fight myself
my feelings and desires
but they don't go away
all that i resist persists
and i sink deeper
i know i must reach out
in order to save myself
and my sanity
to reclaim the light
that has been hidden
in the mire of doubt
and self sabotage
i want to be that woman
i intended to be
and thought i was
the woman who knew her strength
and always always always
managed to pull herself up
i want to live for me
not for another
but for me!
i want to be enough
not just for another
but for myself!
i don't expect anyone to save me
that's not how it works
but i must reach out my hand
ask and accept help this time
to extricate myself
before i am buried alive
