the answer

do you know why i am soft and submissive with you?

do you understand that i haven't been this way with others?

it is because you have given me permission to be comfortable in my own skin

and shown me that through your eyes, your words, your touch, that i am a beautiful being.

you have loved my body as a temple, accepting all of the flaws as if they were perfection.

in doing so you have taken away so much of the shame and insecurity i've felt and opened me up to my goddess self.

you have helped to vanquish my fear of emotional and physical nakedness...and rejection.

you have allowed me to reveal myself and flourish in my true feminine sexual nature, allowing me to be a tiger or a kitten.

in your love and adoration you have made a safe place for me.

you have created trust.

and that is the real answer.  

hope

tonight i watched the memorial for the victims of covid 19, listened to the words spoken and witnessed the lighting of the lincoln memorial reflecting pool.  as i watched i thought about all that has transpired in the past year; the pandemic and lives lost to it, the hatred that has risen and shown its ugly face and the lives lost to that.  i thought about all the people who have died alone without the comfort of loved ones near.  i thought about all those who are grieving and those yet to grieve.  as i did, the tears began to flow and a prayer rose up in me for all of us, not just those in this nation but those across the globe.  i prayed for an end to this pandemic, for an end to the hatred and the grief.  i prayed for a cure, for humanity to become more compassionate, for unity, for all those grieving to find some comfort and for all of us to hold love and hope in our hearts.

i want to be filled with hope, but it's hard when the news keeps getting worse.  it's hard after we've seen the nation's capitol under siege by our very own citizens.  yet what else is there but to cling to that thread of hope no matter how small?  

as i was browsing my facebook memories i came across these words i shared 11 years ago by orison swett marden, "There is no medicine like hope , no incentive so great , and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something better tomorrow."

coincidence? maybe. what is coincidence but a word we use to define a synchronicity we don't understand? all i know is this, we must have hope lest we give up and giving up is not an option in these dark times. call it hope or faith, we must believe that at some point light will permeate the darkness and that even when we can't see it, it is.

i am not a christian nor do i adhere to organized religion because i don't believe we need religion to have faith in something better or to be better, yet i offer this quote from hebrews 11:1, "now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen".  

i believe we need only to retain hope and to be that light.  i believe we are the prayer and the answer.  

What The World Needs Now

"Go home. We love you. You're very special" These are the words of Donald Trump after his cult like supporters rioted, stormed and looted the US Capitol yesterday.

Recently, i cannot help but think of Jim Jones when i think of DT. You remember him? If you don't, he was a cult leader back in the 60s-70s who orchestrated a mass murder/suicide of 918 people, (304 of them were children), which took place in Nov. 1978 in Guyana. That's where the saying, "they drank the Kool-aid" came from. Most of them died from consuming cyanide laced Flavor-aid.

I guess the reason i compare DT to Jim Jones is, he obviously holds that same kind of power over some people. For instance, like those who stormed the Capitol. They followed his urging like sheep to the slaughter.

When an evil person gains power, there are always those ready and willing to follow. Look at what Hitler's army was able to do. We can compare DT to Hitler or any number of egotistical, mentally unstable and insecure parasites who play on people's fears and get others to do their dirty work.

I guess I'm just thinking out loud in a sense, wondering what makes people so unable to think or act rationally and to be so easily taken in, unable see that they're being manipulated. None of these so called "leaders" gave a damn about the people who bowed down to them. All any of them cared about was maintaining control and power. Their journey in life has been governed by greed, narcissism and ego stemming from their own fear and insecurity. The same holds true for Trump. And like history has shown, if he goes down he will take as many with him as he can and those who have been smart enough to wake up from their Trump induced coma will aid his demise.

I've always been a believer that light will find its way into the darkness and expose people and things as to who or what they actually are. Yesterday the light shone bright into the darkness of DT and his minions. If you couldn't see it, then you would literally have to be blind, deaf and dumb to any form of rationality.

I think one of the lessons we can take from this is to encourage others (especially our children) to think rationally and independently, to question everything, to look deeper, to not accept any so called "truth" until it's been examined without bias, whether it be political, religious or otherwise. It's not necessarily wise to take what your politicians, your church, the news or even your parents tell you at face value without looking at it from every side with an OPEN mind. Now more than ever the world seems to be in dire need of more critical thinkers.

s. cooper

i will love you more

(for jason)

i will always love you more 

than you're used to being loved.

it's because i have been in the dark

that i have learned to appreciate

everything that shines.

so i will love you more

for who you are 

and for the beauty you bring to my life

than you might understand

because i know too well

the absence of such light.

there was a time

i used lay on the cool green grass in summer and allow my body to connect with the earth.  i would relax and envision my body sinking into her until i was a part of her, totally connected.  sometimes i would create a circle of quartz crystals beforehand and lay in the center of them.  

i used to build crystal grids and use reiki to create an energy vortex to send healing out to an individual, a troubling situation or the environment.

at times i would place water in a jug with specific stones, then set it outside at the time of the full moon, surrounded by crystals.  as with the grids, i would activate it through reiki, prayer and intention, then use this water to make my aromatherapy blends.  one time i did this, then afterwards froze the water for later use.  when i got the water from the freezer to thaw and use, i was thrilled to see that in its frozen state a vortex had formed in the water.  it looked like a tornado had frozen in the center of the jug of water.  

i used to write spiritual poetry about mother earth, about love and goodness and choices and the human condition.

there was a time when i practiced reiki, helping others to find some comfort and relief from physical or emotional pain or stress.  i was good at it, feeling the energy of it flow through me making my hands tingly and hot, knowing intuitively where to focus the energy.  

i used to meditate daily.

then everything changed.  my husband died suddenly, i relocated and faced new challenges and as a result i lost my enthusiasm, my passion, and my connection.  this year i hope to reclaim and reawaken that connection.  

winter solstice

...Light returns, because it is the nature of Life- of what we are- to cycle through periods of darkness and light. And the gifts of the darkness, those things we bring back from difficult times that allow us to live life more fully in an open-hearted way, are easier to retrieve if we can remember that the light will return. And when that seems like no more than a nice but unlikely idea, it helps to be with others who hold this knowing faithfully in that moment.

Even now, as we explore the longest night and reach for the promise of the return of the light here in the northern hemisphere, our sisters and brothers in the southern half of this planet are celebrating the time of the longest light and the fullness it brings.

And the Wheel turns, and Life continues, and the Sacred Wholeness holds us all.

Oriah House (c) 2013

this is why i'm grateful

i remember hard times, times when there was little to nothing in the house to eat, when keeping warm was a challenge because the snow blew in around the window ledges and we couldn't afford to keep the heat up enough to stay warm.  it was during this time i was without money, a car, a tv or a phone.  i spent my days washing clothes out in the basement by hand and hanging them to dry there as well because i had no money or way to the laundromat.  

i remember a time when i couldn't sleep at night for fear when my husband came home drunk again he would start accusing me of being a whore or would hurt me physically...a time when love meant abuse. 

there we several times when i had to fend for myself and my kids and if not for selling many of my household possessions and the generosity of friends we would have gone hungry and had no place to live.

i am remembering these things tonight not to get caught up in the past with remorse, but to remind myself how very blessed i am today.  

i live in my very own home today, bought and paid for because of my own ingenuity.  i have a dependable little car, paid for.  my car is 11 years old and my home is 110 years old.  both are far from perfect but they are dependable and take care of my basic needs.  i have a washer and dryer so i no longer have to go to the laundromat or wash clothes by hand.  i crawl into a comfy bed each night as opposed to sleeping on a mattress on the floor to keep my back from hurting as i once did.  if i'm cold i can turn the heat up and there is always more than enough food in the house. 

not all of my life was hard times, but the hard times are hard to forget and the very things that makes me feel so appreciative today. i would love to be able to go back and change things for my children, but i have to seek peace knowing i did the best i could at the time and in the situation i was in.  

what i have today hardly compares to what others may have and take for granted.  there have been times i've had more but i don't believe i appreciated the things i had then as much as i what i have now.  i take none of it for granted and consider myself very fortunate and blessed.  i do not have to count on anyone to have my basic needs met.  i struggle sometimes financially, but nothing compared to years past.  i have a steady income each month and health coverage for most things and i don't have to work for it any longer.  

i have what i need and that includes love.  i have a beautiful relationship with a man who's not afraid to show his love for me.  i feel wanted and appreciated but never afraid.  he makes me feel safe and adored and that is priceless.  i have 2 beautiful, smart, kind children who make me proud to be their mom as well as 4 equally smart, kind, beautiful grandchildren and a sweet, happy great grandson who is a joy.  i take none of them for granted.  

thanks to my son i have been able to take two major vacations.  one was a week at myrtle beach, the other a trip to london, something i could never have imagined doing.  and this year i drove myself to missouri to visit a dear friend.  funny how, since i've been on my own i've managed a vacation every year.  so yeah, despite the grief and the struggles life has brought, i feel very grateful, very blessed, and very appreciative for where i am now and all that graces my life.  

 

home (for Jason)

you light the fire of hope and possibility within me.

without realizing it you call me home to myself

home to my soul's calling

home to what i was made for

home to love.

smc

Choose a man who’ll serve your soul

came across this gem...beautiful

Choose a man who’ll serve your soul.

You are awoken in a way that no longer draws an ordinary man.

Wise woman, wild woman, ancient muse of artists and poets, you crave a partner who can discern your siren call.

You’ve been the shadow that’s slipped past him on moonlit walks, when he’s been searching his heart. He’s reached out to grasp you but the time was never right.

Like a wisp of wind, you’ve eluded him on his journey toward enlightenment.

Perhaps he was not ready, perhaps you weren’t either, while you’ve been soaking your bones in mystery and reading sacred texts, he’s also been feeding his mind with poetry and prose.

Perhaps while you’ve been listening to the whispers of forest spirits and leaning against wise old trees, he’s been a step or two behind you, aching for the sound of your steps on the sodden moss.

Wild woman, spiritual seeker, choose a man who will feed your soul.

You have seen him in the cards, he’s illusive but he’s real. He’s a challenge, he’s unafraid to speak his mind. He’s a man who knows his path.

You need a man whose strength is in more than his hands. You need a man whose character makes your heart pound, your body lose control.

He’s the kind of man who will drink your essence but who won’t worship you, because he knows how real you need to be.

He’ll admire your fire, he’ll melt at your touch—he’ll enter your soul through your eyes.

He’ll understand your independence, the many times you’ll leave his side. He’ll follow if you ask him but keep his dreams his own. He’ll tie you down only when you ask it, and then, he’ll do it well.

A man who feeds your soul can feed your body as well.

He admires your solitude, he is turned on by your mind, he lives for your next breath of wisdom—wild woman—you’re everything he’s been looking for.

The books on your shelf, the incense in the air, the card splayed to tell his future, the chanting from your meditation room—all sacred food for him.

Choose a man who understands walks under the heavy, magical moon. One who will take your hand and trod through silently falling snow. One who talks to the stars and for whom the planets turn.

Choose a man whose smile will drop you to your knees.

One whose mouth burns at the back of your neck and the bottom of your spine. One whose love leaves no question about its intentions—he’s knows that you’re the one.

Choose a man who’s not afraid of his sexuality or yours. He’ll crave what you cradle in between your hips, his tongue like honey and his manhood rising to meet your lust. While you croon a love song, while you drift across his lips, he’ll bring you to an ecstasy of ocean waves crashing to the shore.

Give him everything, mystic woman. Pour him some pomegranate wine. Give him a drink of forbidden fantasies, let him know you in your darkest form.

A man who feeds your soul craves you raw. A man who feeds your soul walks with the raven as his guide. He is at home in this world and the one in between, that place where spirits gather and everything is known. Let him feed you with his magic, the words only he can speak, the deep, rich timber of his voice caressing your ears while you lie stretched naked in his arms.

He won’t run. No matter what you reveal. Even if you say that dragons or unicorns or wicked spirits visit your night-time dreams. Even if you utter words that only witches learned. Even if you tell him that once your body burned on a pyre of hatred and fear.

Choose a man who will serve your soul. Who knows that you are the universe, the sea at midnight, the plaintive sound inside a seashell and the whir of hummingbird’s wings at dawn.

He knows that you are solitude. That at times you are a destructive wind. That sometimes you are the frozen tundra and sometimes the heat of a dessert isle. Sometimes he is those things too, and why he gets you and still stays.

So lay down your defences. Put your sword in its safe place, drop that shield. He’s not going to hurt you, and if he does, it will be okay. You’ll understand each others weaknesses. Wild woman, let him in.

Choose a man who’ll serve your soul.

~ Monika Carless ~ 

this man

how can i not love this man

who holds me close

and stares into my eyes

while bringing me to orgasm?

here is a man 

who relishes my satisfaction more than his own 

because my pleasure is his satisfaction.

who could imagine this man

who, despite my age and size

finds my body beautiful

simply because i'm in it,

who worships me as his queen

and sees me as an angel,

and makes such sweet love to the parts of me i loathe?  

how this man became

so passionate, sensual and adoring of me

is a mystery to me,

but i rejoice, i rejoice, i rejoice

and become exquisite and powerful,

more authentic and whole

in the pureness, the beauty,

and the power of his love. 

in the wee hours

i am sitting here awake while most of the world around me sleeps.  i am missing my love.  not in a sad way, but in a longing way.  i know we'll be together soon, but that doesn't mean i don't crave the comfort of his presence now. i want to walk into the bedroom and see him lying there, and slide under the covers to snuggle close to him.  i want to reach my hand to him and feel his warmth and wanting, to feel his breath on my neck...soon that moment will come...soon, but not soon enough.