what if we are simply god's experience and nothing more?

a depressing day other than the time i was stoned and bearing my breasts to the sun.  it is 4/20/20 after all.   so after getting a bit high i was contemplating whether there was any actual meaning to life.  i was certainly feeling there wasn't.   so here is what i wrote before i hit the vape another time or two and headed into the sun:

life seems to have very little point.  we're born, we grow.  some of us marry and raise families, some make careers.  some do little.  some do much.  but in the end what does any of it matter?  i mean seriously, does it matter if someone grows up to be a doctor to discover a cure for cancer or someone else grows up to be a homeless addict?  sure we can say one person can make the world a better place and the other not so much and that's true to some degree. but again, what does it matter if all is finite?

if we were created by a god, to what purpose and what end?  if we simply evolved, then it was just a process and we're here by chance.  i can only come up with one answer to why, if we were created by a supreme being...so here's my (god based) theory...

god, being some sort of universal consciousness with awareness of self and the ability to create may have simply created life as an experiment.  you see, if god were the only thing that existed prior to life as we know it, how would he/she know their self as god?  or better yet, how could they experience their godhood without a somewhat intelligent or inquisitive creature to at least imagine or believe in their existence?  through the creation of intelligent life, god not only could become aware of his/her godliness but could also experience his/her existence through that creation.  basically we could just be god's experience of self or essentially god's entertainment.  perhaps it was all just an experiemnt.

maybe god, provided he/she exists, is waiting to see if his/her creation will actually progress enough to prove his/her existence?  if that actually happens, then what?  game over?  the real meaning of our lives ceases to exist.  would we realize that life's meaning was never about us?  that there never was a meaning to it for any of us, only for god? 

are we god experiencing itself by living, by loving and by dying and everything else in between?  maybe it's like joan osbourne sang...maybe god is one of us or more likely all of us.

What if God was one of us? Just a slob like one of us Just a stranger on the bus Trying to make his way home

did i mention

did i mention i am turned on by the set of your jaw?

how i love the gray that's showing up in your hair
and the way your eyes shine when you look at me
or the way your lip curls at the corner when you smile?

have i mentioned how your powers of observation
impress me and can undress me?

or that i love learning you, what makes you tick
and how your beautiful mind works?

did i mention how your words seduce me
and your touch enthralls me,
how i have become slave to my desire for you,
how you've become the sun in my universe?
how i need your heat and light to survive?
how just hearing your voice or seeing your face
or simply thoughts of you spark my desire?

do you understand what it means

that you are able to love and accept parts of me that i couldn't

but now am better able to simply because you can?

did i mention how unique i think you are 

in so may ways that you make yourself irresistible to me?

are you aware of how much you are loved?

i know i have mentioned that 

and i want to remind you

again and again and again

you are so worthy

4-18-2020

thick woman blues (song)

i'm your thick, juicy woman
and i want your hot sweet love
i need your arms around me
just like heaven needs god above

your kisses taste like sugar
no i just can't get enough
i like it when you're tender and sweet
i like it when you're rough
----
chorus:
yeah i want your arms around me
and i want your kisses, too
i want your loving baby
'cos you know what to do

yeah i'm your thick juicy woman
that's just what i am
your thick juicy woman
and you're my lovin man
---

when you come home from workin' hard
i want you to be sure
everything you ever need
is right behind that door

when you wake in the mornin
and your eyes are open wide
you'll see this hungry woman
is right there by your side

repeat chorus:
yeah i want your arms around me
and i want your kisses, too
i want your loving baby
'cos you know what to do

yeah i'm your thick juicy woman
that's just what i am
your thick juicy woman
and you're my lovin man

i ain't worried 'bout cheatin
'cos baby you're not that bad
and i'm the best damn woman
that you know you ever had

yeah i'm your thick juicy woman
that's just what i am
your thick juicy woman
and you're my lovin man

yeah i'm your thick juicy woman
that's just what i am
your thick juicy woman
and you're my lovin man

4-17-2020
(c) s.cooper

my hope

all across the globe we are sharing this one experience.  my hope is that this seemingly unreal crisis we are facing gives us something real to consider. 

i hope it causes us to look at our lives and decide what our new normal will be in the aftermath. 
i hope we are thinking about how we want to live and who we want to be.
i hope we are becoming more compassionate and more willing to serve the greater good.
i hope we are seeing what has real value in life and what does not.
i hope we are seeing what connects us as opposed to what separates us and thereby choose connection over separation.
i hope we will have learned to be more grateful for every sunrise we wake up to.
i hope we recognize that in order to have a better life we must choose it...
and if we want a better world we must be the change we wish to see.
i hope we put away the false need for stuff and realize our needs are basic and what we really need is each other.
i hope we choose simplicity.
i hope the spirit of generosity and care continue to override selfishness and apathy.
i hope we have all learned more about ourselves in order to exact change from ourselves and our government.
i hope we stop killing each other.
i hope we can create a new paradigm personally and globally.
i hope we realize that our individual time here is finite and in doing so we find joy in life.
i hope we learn that hate is destructive to all and has no place in the world and that love really is the answer.
i hope we choose wisely.

if what we are experiencing isn't a lesson in all of this i don't know what is, so i hope we learn and become what we can be.  we have seen our potential and what we are capable of in every catastrophe we've experienced.  after the storm passes i hope we do not forget who we really are. 

current bucket list

• survive the pandemic
• spend more time with family
• travel to meet friends or host friends including those social media freinds i have never met in person
• not take things (other than pandemics) so seriously
• once social distancing is no longer necessary, hugs.  i will give hugs and i will take them...by force if necessary.  you have been warned.

to be continued

viral effect

it's in our faces every day
if we dare go out
turn on the news
or go online

the streets are empty now
the playgrounds decorated in yellow tape
a warning

in every move we make
we ask
is it worth dying for?

the gas pumps sit idle

we stop at empty intersections
what are we waiting for?
to see who goes next?
who does go next?

what are we waiting for?
to find out how bad it can get?

no!  JUST NO!
we must wait
for this dark death star to pass

i whisper to myself
patience
patience
patience

and somehow i find it
if only for a moment or a day

we must wait

we must wait
for the light to shine
to burn away this darkness
that clouds our minds
distorts our vision
that holds us hostage
to an unknown fate

we must look to the earth
blossoming under blue skies
see how she is resting?
see how nature is healing?

we must wait
and in waiting
we must usher in the light

let our prayer be
to be present
to see one another
to lift each other
to feed one another
to appreciate one another

let us become the answer
to our own prayer

let us become the light

the weeping buddha

this is the weeping buddha. he weeps for the suffering of the world. he used to rest on my bookshelf until recently when i picked him up, held him and cried with him. he now sits beside me at my desk. i often hold him and rub my finger along his spine in prayer, much like one would pray with a rosary or mala beads. it is said that if one rubs his back that peace and strength will be bestowed. the truth is, it seems to work. not because this little wooden buddha has any power, but because by the simple act of rubbing his back i am calmed and focused, finding myself in supplication.

make these things

Every minute someone leaves this world behind.
Age has nothing to do with it.
We are all in this line without realizing it.
We never know how many people are before us.
We cannot move to the back of the line.
We cannot step out of the line.
We cannot avoid the line.
So while we wait in line:
Make moments count.
Make a difference.
Make the call.
Make priorities.
Make the time.
Make your gifts known.
Make a nobody feel like a somebody.
Make your voice heard.
Make the small things big.
Make someone smile.
Make the change.
Make yourself a priority.
Make love.
Make up.
Make peace.
Make sure to tell your people they are loved.
Make waves.
Make sure to have no regrets.
Make sure you are ready.
This world will often leave you wishing you had just 5 more minutes. Feel free to share this powerful reminder on perspective and wake up each day realizing it is a gift and to make the most of it!

Author: Marianne Baum

things i want to say to you, most i already have

i love you and no matter how may times i say it, it doesn't lose its depth or meaning. 

i'm afraid, because time will continues to pass and i want to spend as much as i can with you.  i think of a life with you and then i question if that would even be fair to you. 

i'm envious of the woman you live with and i believe no matter what you may say she does not and cannot appreciate you like i do.  i don't believe it's within her experience to do so.  it makes me somewhat angry that she doesn't know what she has and i do, and i want you to be mine so you can feel loved, desired and appreciated every day.

i cry too often when i think of you and us and how much i love and miss you, your touch, your face, your love and affection.

i feel all this love bottled up in me that is constantly waiting to be given to and shared with you so sometimes i cry just because my need to express these feelings is so overpowering and there's no way to touch you or hold you or care for you.   

i cannot go to bed at night without thinking of you touching me and me touching you as i lay there waiting for sleep.

i love your kisses and crave your mouth on mine. 

too often i wonder what you are doing as the day progresses.

your eagerness and desire thrills me.  i imagine your hungry kisses and your arms around me and i melt at the thought.  you stir me in ways and to a degree that no one ever has.  i've never known this level of chemistry.

my heart needs you.  my soul needs you.  my body needs you.

i can hardly stand the thought of you making love to another woman.  i'm not proud of this, but it's true.

i admire your character.  you are a good person and i recognize this. 

i think you embody the perfect balance of reason and romanticism.

you strengthen me and build my confidence.

i don't want to need you but i do.

i want what time we share to be enough, but it seems to never be enough.  it only makes me want you more. 

i believe some people were just meant to be together and few are fortunate enough to find each other. 




   

these things

every day i have fear
about love
about life
about survival

and

every day i cry
about love
about life
about survival

and

every day i pray
about love
about life
about survival

and

every day i hope
about love
about life
about survival

and

every day i give thanks
for love
for life
for survival

3-25-2020

words to live by

i awoke at 5:30 this morning.  it's a bit aggravating that i can seldom sleep more than 5 hours a night especially at this point in time when there's little reason to be awake at that hour.  but here i am.

by 6:30 i caught the sound of birds chattering outside my kitchen window.  i thought it funny how nothing has changed in their world while ours seems a bit surreal.  the birds go on greeting the day as always, doing what birds do every day of their lives.  squirrels scurry across the yard, frolicking from tree to tree with no concern, doing the same.  the small, wild things, (as my grandaddy used to call them), carry on undisturbed by the concerns of man.

i am not a religious person nor do i adhere to any specific dogma.  yet this morning while thinking about the birds and squirrels and battling my own insecurities, i could not help but consider a quote from the bible's book of matthew:
  
“therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly father feeds them. are you not of more value than they? and which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. ..."

now i don't know if we're of more value than the birds of if god is even paying attention.  actually i don't know for sure what god is any more than anyone else, despite claims.  but there is relevance to the thought that our being anxious serves no purpose and that we could take a lesson from nature at this time of uncertainty.

as i focused on thoughts like this, in serendipity, a friend shared the following poem by john o'donohue today on facebook.  we all need a little reminder of faith and hope in the face of adversity and it is so often the words of others that inspire our own fortitude.  

This is the time to be slow,
Lie low to the wall
Until the bitter weather passes.

Try, as best you can, not to let
The wire brush of doubt
Scrape from your heart
All sense of yourself
And your hesitant light.

If you remain generous,
Time will come good;
And you will find your feet
Again on fresh pastures of promise,
Where the air will be kind
And blushed with beginning.