glimmer

 i can sometimes feel it

a tiny pulse within a pulse

like that flash you catch in the corner of your eye

that you're not sure you really saw

i have to believe in it 

i have to trust my choice

(at least i had the courage to make one)

when there's no one or nothing else i can trust

and even then i question

i have been drowning

in the muck and mire 

of indecision

hearing only what i want to hear

believing only what i want to be true

i have fallen prey to words and touch

to wishes and dreams

to others needs   and my own

i have given all and accepted less

trying to convince myself it was enough

it is time to come home to myself again

to let go of fairy tale dreams

and ground myself in what is

instead of what isn't

to recognize that all i have is me

and no matter how much more i want

no matter how much i have to give

somehow i must be enough

for me

so i dry my tears

hold my hands over my heart

and tell myself hope lives here

maybe one day 

i will believe