awake, sad, not wanting anything but him.
why does it have to hurt so much?
the world is sick of me.
i am sick of me.
why why why did the universe hand me a gift i'm not entitled to?
why is fate so cruel?
i don't want another, only him.
why is it we seek and never find anything or anyone to keep?
i have myself and that feels inadequate.
every time i think i may be ok i find i'm not.
i'm not ok, not ok, not ok, not without him but i can't be ok with him as things are. god why do i love so hard only to break so hard?
every day i wait for night to come so i can go to sleep with some shred of hope for tomorrow. but every day is lather, rinse, repeat. tonight i can't even go to sleep because the tears won't stop.
i don't want anyone else, i don't have it in me to want anyone else.
i am not destined for anyone else.
i don't want it to be over, i so don't want it to be.
how do i live? how do i even begin to want to?
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