Teacher Drowns : Meets Creator of the Universe (Near-Death Experience)

5,048

 it's funny how easily mishaps in the day 

can spiral into grief

how something as simple as a broken dish or 

a faulty faucet

can send you reeling

missing how things used to be

and the people who used to be

i watched an interview with an old Appalachian women

she took me back to my old life

  the one i loved the most

  the one i miss the most

when living day to day was its own reward

 

but it's too late to go back

too much has changed

i have changed  

  grown older    less able 

and i'm on my own these days

  5,048 of them

smc

dec. 12. 2022

what "womanhood" means - an essay by Mirela Bitoi

During the past decade I have been discovering womanhood and unlearning what it means to be a woman. I have fallen in love and devotion with its mysteries. I have committed to its ever changing waves and promised myself to walk this Earth in my too muchness, beauty and chaos. Rooted in my body, sovereign, whole and in presence with all of me.

The rise of the feminine is not only a higher number of women CEOs and in male dominated fields. It’s definitely NOT becoming more like men or making men be more like women, while dismissing gender differences. It is not staying forever in the oppressed /oppressor narrative either. It is NOT fitting into the current system as evenly as possible: NO.

It’s creating a new way, it’s returning to the Mother, uncovering the Good Noble Father, (not only the Patriarch). It’s the descend into the body — to lead from our minds and our hearts. Shaking the sophisticated appearances, peeling off the illusions and revealing our core, un-numbing ourselves.

For women it is getting rooted in our erotic and sensual authority — healing the shame and numbness that binds our bellies. Its allowing our sacred anger to move through, staying in our fire and respecting our cyclical nature.

Saying NO to performing, manipulating and pleasing. Saying YES to our ‘irrational’ truth, our womb knowing, and daring to inner-mother our most hurt, banished parts.

Refusing the fake-easy-way-out of blaming, guilting and demonising men: radical self-responsibility and shadow integration instead. Ultimately, its allowing us to be fully human — not just the good mother or the sexy girl, not just the seductress, the rebel or the fierce warriorres, not just the wild woman or the priestess. Not one, but ALL — every part of our psyche.

How would it be for men to witness the erotic force of women without controlling it, allowing and trusting their own desire without necessarily acting on it? Being in support spaces with other men, healing the mother wound and allowing their own feminine to exist?

There has been no greater repression of the feminine as in our men, and that is destroying us and the entire planet. Learning “Power-With” instead of “Power-Over” and rejecting the blunt idea that masculinity is toxic. Masculinity is beautiful, necessary and powerful.

Reclaiming my anger as vital and healthy, my joy as powerful, embodying the full spectrum of emotions as natural, and coming back into my messy body. Discovering my pleasure is my own — not for or because of men.

Finding the stories of my mother and grandmothers, father and forefathers brought back lost pieces of my soul and integrated me in my lineage — we are stronger when we untangle our heritage.

Baring my truth and cutting through movies and projections, finding my mid-line and moving into integrity, naming my hungers and stop starving. Honouring that everything in me wants to be heard and expressed.

Equally, one of my most potent lessons is loving, respecting, and receiving men. Allowing myself to be seen and held by them, dropping the pretenses and all the walls: deeply transforming medicine.

Letting myself be undone and renewed in the fullness of this togetherness.

~ Mirela Bitoi: https://www.instagram.com/mirela.bitoi/

i am like the moon

waxing, waning, growing, and going

i am like the moon

cycling with her phases

simply because i am woman.

my light waxes and wanes

sometimes blossoming into fullness

shedding light in abundance

sometimes receding

disappearing into the shadow land

until it is time to reveal myself again.

and like the moon

i will enchant with my light

brightening the path to help you find your way

while keeping your secrets safe in the dark.

i am like the moon

the muse of poetry and erotica 

and if you look closely

you will see the face of the goddess.

s. cooper

 

settle up - author unknown

 

There is nothing sexier than a man who knows how to traverse the juicy pathways of his own heart. A man who can stand to be called out on his shit. A man who, when you boldly ask him to be there, says yes-hell yes...and shows up beautifully, with every ounce of his beating heart.

There is nothing more beautiful than a man who talks openly and passionately about what’s on his mind rather than pulling far away and glossing it over with a bullshit generic response of

“I’m fine.”

There is nothing more breathtaking in the world than a man who knows the salty taste of tears. A man who lets you see him on his worst days...stripped, sad and raw...vulnerability hanging out of his split-open heart like ripped ribbons.

There is nothing more bone-suckin’ delicious than a man who knows how to take care of a woman, how to touch her softly and fiercely at the same time, how to fuck her wildly while gazing gently into the sapphire depths of her soul, how to set her free while claiming her and make her feel like a cherished jewel of divinity, like the goddess she is.

There is absolutely nothing more astounding than a man who kisses like he could die five minutes from now. A man who understands the preciousness of this breath, this inhale…and exhale. A man who wants nothing more than to face the world together as you both smile, breathe, set the air around you on delicate fire, transcend bullshit and ascend towards nectar galaxies far too beautiful to comprehend.

There is nothing more maddeningly magnificent than a man who pulls you close and declares his love for you, and shouts it from the rooftops like music, and weaves his fingers through yours with ripe enthusiasm, and isn’t scared to call you too soon, and call you out on your shit, and call you the luscious love of his life.

There is nothing more goddamn gorgeous than a man who is fiercely himself, who holds the strongest heart space in his warm, sultry embrace...for you to bloom, blossom, flourish and soar...as he does the same.

At the end of every dissolving sands, apricot sunset-soaked day —

There is nothing sexier than a man who knows how to love himself. A man who values the truth running through his veins like sacred ink. A man brave enough to be there for you and himself when shit is beautiful and when it’s completely falling apart.

This is the kind of man you deserve. A man who isn’t afraid of emotion. A man who shows up one hundred percent. A man who is ready...who craves every drop, drip and ounce of an authentic, earthy goddess of a wonderful woman like you. Let him kiss you with his entire being until you remember who you really are.

Don’t settle down with him...

Settle UP into a more luscious, technicolor life. A life so beautiful it hurts sometimes. A life so fulfilling you’ll never be thirsty again. A life so freeing and spun of soul it makes you dizzy. Anything less than this heartfelt, present, purely sacred beauty is a goddamn tragedy.

Don’t settle Down...

Settle UP. ‘Cause when the divine masculine meets the divine feminine, magic happens. The sweetest magic of all.~

~unknown

the freedom of the crone

"If you want to be a bad ass sexually empowered woman, embrace your inner hag.

Thats right.

The crone.

The ancient old woman.

The witch.

The hag.

The crone archetype is an aspect of the feminine not exactly associated with sexuality.

Women groom themselves to be girls.

The younger the better.

Paint those lips red and blush those cheeks like you are wet and ripe for impregnation.

Make them believe you are in perpetual ovulation.

Make them hard.

Make them desire you.

Get that face lift.

Suck in that belly.

Bat those lashes.

Guess what.

The crone doesn't give a fuck.

And that is her power.

She embraces her spider lines and swinging, sagginesss.

After all, this is what life does to the body of a woman...eventually!

Does that make you uncomfortable?

Would you rather not see?

Her secret threatens to corrupt you.

She can make you wild.

She can reveal to you your power.

Your volcanic senseless holy

Once she opens her mouth, the jig is up.

They tell you she is crazy.

Dangerous because she has broken out of that jail cell you call restrictions.

How would you have sex if you didn't give a fuck about how pretty you look?

Or how flat your stomach is?

The crone is not an object of desire.

She is free to claim her own desire.

In a world that praises women for being objects of desire.

Where the more lust you can seduce the more value you possess, the crone is laughing with that cackle that only women of power have.

She does not possess the enchanting beauty of the maiden or the fertile reproductive juices of the mother.

She no longer bleeds.

She no longer bears children.

Her sex no longer waxes and wanes with the moon, gaining and draining energy with each passing tide.

She is full.

The portal to her blood has been sealed.

She is drinking in the nectar.

She is bathing in its luminous darkness.

Her sex is a diamond pressed and polished by years of experience and wisdom.

She has passed through all the phases of initiation as a woman.

That heavy web of social conditions all feminine creatures are baptized into.

She is unraveling herself from these webs.

She has liberated her sex from all their stories.

She is making it to the other side.

Freeing herself.

Without the ability to be a mother or a sex object, what is left of a woman and her sex?

I’ll tell you what,

Pure power that doesn't give a fuck.

Crazy wisdom that knows how to make love to the moment.

Sex that ripples through every authentic cell of your body.

Sex that pulses with every tiny whisper of life knowing life.

If you want to find the seat of your sexual power.

Your real deep sovereign sexual nature.

Find the crone that lives in you.

Wild. Ugly. Innocent. Real.

The real initiation begins here.”

~ Maya Luna

chemistry or alchemy

Chemistry or alchemy?

“The master was asked what was the difference

between chemistry and alchemy

in couple relationships and he replied

with these beautiful and wise words :

“People who seek ′′Chemistry′′ are love scientists,

i.e. they are used to action and reaction.

People who encounter ′′Alchemy′′

are artists of love, constantly creating

new ways of loving.

Chemicals love out of necessity.

The alchemists by choice.

Chemistry dies with time,

Alchemy is born through time ...

Chemistry loves the packaging.

Alchemy enjoys the content.

Chemistry happens.

Alchemy builds itself.

Everyone is looking for chemistry,

only a few find alchemy.

Chemistry attracts and distracts sexist and feminist.

Alchemy integrates the male and female principle,

so it transforms into a relationship

of free individuals with their own wings,

rather than an attraction that is subject

to the whims of the ego.

In conclusion, the master said

looking at his students :

“Alchemy brings together what chemistry separates.

Alchemy is royal marriage.

Chemistry & divorce we see everyday in most couples.

′′Let's start building conscious relationships,

because chemistry will always make your body age.

′While alchemy will always caress us from within′′~

 

author unknown

i never knew

 i came across this piece of writing the other night as i was going through a notebook.  i have a habit of writing thoughts down whenever they come and wherever i can find paper and pen at the moment.  this was written some months ago...

i never knew

there was a time when i thought i was whole.

i thought i didn't really need what i now find i do.  

i thought if i tried hard enough i could convince myself that love and passion weren't necessary, that something must be wrong with me, that these needful feelings would fade and i could adapt like so many women i knew.  i really hoped this was true.

you proved to me it wasn't.  i never knew how much woman i could be until i became her with you.  i never knew the power in me until you unleashed it.  only with you did i become the untamed lioness and queen.

until you i never knew.

grieving all things

it is nearing my 67th birthday.  i'm not sure how i feel about this.  part of me is mourning the passage of time and how little seems to be left considering most of my life is now behind me.  in my mind i have always told myself i'll live to be a ripe old age of 88.  in reality i know the odds of that a slim considering my health issues.  the other part of me is grateful for the time i have had and have left and that i am still capable of looking after myself and having somewhat of a life, although not quite the one i would like.

i mourn the life i knew at one time...the country life, growing my own produce and living more naturally and happily.  i know i can never go back and in some ways i wouldn't want to.  but i get down because there are things i cannot do alone.  things i want to do.  i sometimes feel i have no support, no one to help.  well actually that's not a feeling, that's the truth of it. and i often don't mind being alone.  in fact i sometimes prefer it. but i don't like feeling alone.  i admit, there are times when i greatly miss having a partner to not just share the load, but to feel supported. 

tonight i felt as if i were mourning my past life, my current life, those i have lost in life and those i'm on the verge of losing.  it doesn't help that covid is still a major factor in outings and living in a small town offers little of interest.  maybe i'm just focusing on the negative tonight.  all i know is i feel overwhelmed and dismal. all i want to do is eat, cry and smoke a cigarette. the latter i won't do but not doing it is why i've gained wait and gaining weight is why i'm hating on myself.

i want this coming birthday week to be a good one, one of celebration.  right now that feels impossible.  

we are not wrong to feel as we do

 

Poem: Mário de Andrade - The Valuable Time of Maturity

I counted my years

and realized that

I have less time to live by,

than I have lived so far.

I have more past than future.

I feel like that boy who got a bowl of cherries.

At first, he gobbled them,

but when he realized there were only few left,

he began to taste them intensely.

I no longer have time to deal with mediocrity.

I do not want to be in meetings where flamed egos parade.

I am bothered by the envious,

who seek to discredit the most able,

to usurp their places, coveting their seats,

talent, achievements and luck.

I do not have time for endless conversations,

useless to discuss about the lives of others

who are not part of mine.

I no longer have the time to manage

sensitivities of people who despite their chronological age, are immature.

I hate to confront those that struggle for power,

those that ‘do not debate content, just the labels’.

My time has become scarce to debate labels,

I want the essence.

My soul is in a hurry …

Not many cherries in my bowl,

I want to live close to human people, very human,

who laugh of their own stumbles,

and away from those turned smug

and overconfident with their triumphs,

away from those filled with self-importance.

The essential is what makes life worthwhile.

And for me, the essentials are enough!

Yes, I’m in a hurry.

I’m in a hurry to live with the intensity that only maturity can give.

I do not intend to waste any of the remaining cherries.

I am sure they will be exquisite, much more than those eaten so far.

My goal is to reach the end satisfied

and at peace with my loved ones and my conscience.

And per Confucius “We have two lives

and the second begins when you realize you only have one.”