It's
sat morning and I have a lot to do but I can't even begin until I
give voice to my thoughts.
I
am sitting at my desk looking at a photo of myself and the three
women I love most in life. This, after hearing from one of them about
how she was roofied last week and woke 6 hours later to bruises all
over her body. It occurs to me that every woman in that photo has
been sexually assaulted and physically or emotionally abused
otherwise. No wonder I am angry.
I
am aware that there are good men and bad men in the world. And some
of the bad men we hold in high esteem. Look at the president for
example and how many people support him despite his hate mongering
and misogyny. So my question becomes, when will we stop turning a
blind eye to the victimization of women and the idea that boys will
be boys? Every 76 seconds someone in the US is sexually assaulted,
most often women under the age of 30. And most often the perpetrator
walks away with a slap on the wrist and the victim lives with the
trauma and shame for a lifetime.
To
get to the root of the problem we have only to look at our
patriarchal culture. You know, the one who forced people into
slavery, who beat and jailed women who fought for the right to vote,
who killed people of color for the same reason. The same culture who
seldom credited women for their strides in science and medicine,
giving credit instead to their male colleagues. The same culture
whose main theology teaches that women are subject to men and that
woman was the first sinner. And let us not forget how history has
tried its damnedest to bury the ancient goddess culture and make God
into a man.
Even
in today's world women are still considered less than men. We earn
less money even while doing the same job as a man. We fight to be
heard and to own the right to decisions regarding our own bodies. We
get blamed for being assaulted every fucking day. We wore the wrong
clothes, we were in the wrong place or were with the wrong people.
All of these things are total bullshit. Did you know that until 1975
every single state had a “marital exemption” that allowed a
husband to rape his wife without fear of legal consequence?
As
women we have to do things to prevent getting raped. When we walk to
our cars we scope out the area and carry our keys between our fingers
as a protective measure. We check our backseats before getting into
the car and lock our doors if sitting alone. I've asked men if these
are things they think about doing and the answer in inevitably no.
Being born women should not automatically make us more vulnerable,
but it does. Women have to take responsibility for not getting raped
rather than men taking responsibility for not raping!
I
realize i'm just touching the the tip of the iceberg in regard to the
problem. It is way past time for women to rise up strong. But not
just women. Men, too, because these women are your sisters, mothers,
daughters and partners. Men, you need to speak up and call these
other men out and hold them accountable when they start talking trash
about women. And women, you need to stop belittling one another and
build each other up. If we are ever going to lower the cases of
violence and rape against women we need to support one another and
STOP blaming the woman. Even if we were in the “wrong” place,
with the “wrong” people, wearing the “wrong” clothes or had
too much to drink, we are never to blame for being sexually
assaulted. NEVER!
I
hope someday that society, which includes church leaders, officers of
the law, and judges, start treating sexual assault assailants as the
criminals they are. I hope someday that women will not always have to
fear for their safety and are seen as truly equal human beings. I
hope that the men who truly love us will stand with us and use their
voices to speak out.
Statistics
say that 1 out of 4 women have been sexually assaulted. I say the
number is higher just by virtue of the women I know who have been and
have never reported it because of the repercussions of blame and
shame. As I look at the picture of myself and these 3 women I love, 3
out of 4 never reported their assault for those very reasons. And the
one that did? Her assailant spent a weekend in jail and got a slap on
the wrist.
I
leave you with this thought; look at the women around you and despite
what statistics say, consider that probably 50-80 percent of them
have been the victim of abuse or sexual assault. And when you do,
remember, we are not to blame. Then I hope you get
angry, too.
