i am angry

It's sat morning and I have a lot to do but I can't even begin until I give voice to my thoughts.

I am sitting at my desk looking at a photo of myself and the three women I love most in life. This, after hearing from one of them about how she was roofied last week and woke 6 hours later to bruises all over her body. It occurs to me that every woman in that photo has been sexually assaulted and physically or emotionally abused otherwise. No wonder I am angry.

I am aware that there are good men and bad men in the world. And some of the bad men we hold in high esteem. Look at the president for example and how many people support him despite his hate mongering and misogyny. So my question becomes, when will we stop turning a blind eye to the victimization of women and the idea that boys will be boys? Every 76 seconds someone in the US is sexually assaulted, most often women under the age of 30. And most often the perpetrator walks away with a slap on the wrist and the victim lives with the trauma and shame for a lifetime.

To get to the root of the problem we have only to look at our patriarchal culture. You know, the one who forced people into slavery, who beat and jailed women who fought for the right to vote, who killed people of color for the same reason. The same culture who seldom credited women for their strides in science and medicine, giving credit instead to their male colleagues. The same culture whose main theology teaches that women are subject to men and that woman was the first sinner. And let us not forget how history has tried its damnedest to bury the ancient goddess culture and make God into a man.

Even in today's world women are still considered less than men. We earn less money even while doing the same job as a man. We fight to be heard and to own the right to decisions regarding our own bodies. We get blamed for being assaulted every fucking day. We wore the wrong clothes, we were in the wrong place or were with the wrong people. All of these things are total bullshit. Did you know that until 1975 every single state had a “marital exemption” that allowed a husband to rape his wife without fear of legal consequence?

As women we have to do things to prevent getting raped. When we walk to our cars we scope out the area and carry our keys between our fingers as a protective measure. We check our backseats before getting into the car and lock our doors if sitting alone. I've asked men if these are things they think about doing and the answer in inevitably no. Being born women should not automatically make us more vulnerable, but it does. Women have to take responsibility for not getting raped rather than men taking responsibility for not raping!

I realize i'm just touching the the tip of the iceberg in regard to the problem. It is way past time for women to rise up strong. But not just women. Men, too, because these women are your sisters, mothers, daughters and partners. Men, you need to speak up and call these other men out and hold them accountable when they start talking trash about women. And women, you need to stop belittling one another and build each other up. If we are ever going to lower the cases of violence and rape against women we need to support one another and STOP blaming the woman. Even if we were in the “wrong” place, with the “wrong” people, wearing the “wrong” clothes or had too much to drink, we are never to blame for being sexually assaulted. NEVER!  

I hope someday that society, which includes church leaders, officers of the law, and judges, start treating sexual assault assailants as the criminals they are. I hope someday that women will not always have to fear for their safety and are seen as truly equal human beings. I hope that the men who truly love us will stand with us and use their voices to speak out.

Statistics say that 1 out of 4 women have been sexually assaulted. I say the number is higher just by virtue of the women I know who have been and have never reported it because of the repercussions of blame and shame. As I look at the picture of myself and these 3 women I love, 3 out of 4 never reported their assault for those very reasons. And the one that did? Her assailant spent a weekend in jail and got a slap on the wrist.

I leave you with this thought; look at the women around you and despite what statistics say, consider that probably 50-80 percent of them have been the victim of abuse or sexual assault. And when you do, remember, we are not to blame. Then I hope you get angry, too.