demons

DEMONS

 i like to think i live alone, but i don't.  they are always with me.

sometimes they rest, but i know it's just a temporary reprieve. 

all it takes is one small thing and they swoop in and before you know it i become mistrusting, indecisive, needy, unworthy...all the things that make me hate myself.

i like to think i'm strong enough to conquer them and the thoughts they feed me.  i wish i believed i was.

obviously i'm not.

with thoughts of jason

"And so you see, I have come to doubt All that I once held as true; I stand alone without beliefs. The only truth I know is you."

i am not old

I am not old… she said

I am rare.

I am the standing ovation

At the end of the play.

I am the retrospective

Of my life as art

I am the hours

Connected like dots

Into good sense

I am the fullness

Of existing.

You think I am waiting to die…

But I am waiting to be found

I am a treasure.

I am a map.

And these wrinkles are

Imprints of my journey

Ask me

anything.

Author: Samantha Reynolds

tarnished glory

 

every once in awhile...

 ...we need a little alan watts reminder...

she was brave

 

she was beautiful

SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL....

.... but she didn't know what that meant.

When she was a little girl

they told her she was beautiful

but it had no meaning

in her world of bicycles

and pigtails

and adventures in make-believe.

Later, she hoped she was beautiful

as boys started taking notice

of her friends

and phones rang for

Saturday night dates.

She felt beautiful on her wedding day,

hopeful with her

new life partner by her side

but, later,

when her children called

her beautiful,

she was often exhausted,

her hair messily tied back,

no make up,

wide in the waist

where it used to be narrow;

she just couldn't take it in.

Over the years, as she tried,

in fits and starts,

to look beautiful,

she found other things

to take priority,

like bills

and meals,

as she and her life partner

worked hard

to make a family,

to make ends meet,

to make children into adults,

to make a life.

Now,

she sat.

Alone.

Her children grown,

her partner flown,

and she couldn't remember

the last time

she was called beautiful.

But she was.

It was in every line on her face,

in the strength of her arthritic hands,

the ampleness that had

a million hugs imprinted

on its very skin,

and in the jiggly thighs and

thickened ankles

that had run her race for her.

She had lived her life with a loving

and generous heart,

had wrapped her arms

around so many to

to give them comfort and peace.

Her ears had

heard both terrible news

and lovely songs,

and her eyes

had brimmed with,

oh, so many tears,

they were now bright

even as they dimmed.

She had lived and she was.

And because she was,

she was made beautiful.

~ Suzanne Reynolds, © 2019

Photo credit: Nina Djerff

Model: Marit Rannveig Haslestad

your new life ...

 

the answer

do you know why i am soft and submissive with you?

do you understand that i haven't been this way with others?

it is because you have given me permission to be comfortable in my own skin

and shown me that through your eyes, your words, your touch, that i am a beautiful being.

you have loved my body as a temple, accepting all of the flaws as if they were perfection.

in doing so you have taken away so much of the shame and insecurity i've felt and opened me up to my goddess self.

you have helped to vanquish my fear of emotional and physical nakedness...and rejection.

you have allowed me to reveal myself and flourish in my true feminine sexual nature, allowing me to be a tiger or a kitten.

in your love and adoration you have made a safe place for me.

you have created trust.

and that is the real answer.  

hope

tonight i watched the memorial for the victims of covid 19, listened to the words spoken and witnessed the lighting of the lincoln memorial reflecting pool.  as i watched i thought about all that has transpired in the past year; the pandemic and lives lost to it, the hatred that has risen and shown its ugly face and the lives lost to that.  i thought about all the people who have died alone without the comfort of loved ones near.  i thought about all those who are grieving and those yet to grieve.  as i did, the tears began to flow and a prayer rose up in me for all of us, not just those in this nation but those across the globe.  i prayed for an end to this pandemic, for an end to the hatred and the grief.  i prayed for a cure, for humanity to become more compassionate, for unity, for all those grieving to find some comfort and for all of us to hold love and hope in our hearts.

i want to be filled with hope, but it's hard when the news keeps getting worse.  it's hard after we've seen the nation's capitol under siege by our very own citizens.  yet what else is there but to cling to that thread of hope no matter how small?  

as i was browsing my facebook memories i came across these words i shared 11 years ago by orison swett marden, "There is no medicine like hope , no incentive so great , and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something better tomorrow."

coincidence? maybe. what is coincidence but a word we use to define a synchronicity we don't understand? all i know is this, we must have hope lest we give up and giving up is not an option in these dark times. call it hope or faith, we must believe that at some point light will permeate the darkness and that even when we can't see it, it is.

i am not a christian nor do i adhere to organized religion because i don't believe we need religion to have faith in something better or to be better, yet i offer this quote from hebrews 11:1, "now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen".  

i believe we need only to retain hope and to be that light.  i believe we are the prayer and the answer.  

What The World Needs Now

"Go home. We love you. You're very special" These are the words of Donald Trump after his cult like supporters rioted, stormed and looted the US Capitol yesterday.

Recently, i cannot help but think of Jim Jones when i think of DT. You remember him? If you don't, he was a cult leader back in the 60s-70s who orchestrated a mass murder/suicide of 918 people, (304 of them were children), which took place in Nov. 1978 in Guyana. That's where the saying, "they drank the Kool-aid" came from. Most of them died from consuming cyanide laced Flavor-aid.

I guess the reason i compare DT to Jim Jones is, he obviously holds that same kind of power over some people. For instance, like those who stormed the Capitol. They followed his urging like sheep to the slaughter.

When an evil person gains power, there are always those ready and willing to follow. Look at what Hitler's army was able to do. We can compare DT to Hitler or any number of egotistical, mentally unstable and insecure parasites who play on people's fears and get others to do their dirty work.

I guess I'm just thinking out loud in a sense, wondering what makes people so unable to think or act rationally and to be so easily taken in, unable see that they're being manipulated. None of these so called "leaders" gave a damn about the people who bowed down to them. All any of them cared about was maintaining control and power. Their journey in life has been governed by greed, narcissism and ego stemming from their own fear and insecurity. The same holds true for Trump. And like history has shown, if he goes down he will take as many with him as he can and those who have been smart enough to wake up from their Trump induced coma will aid his demise.

I've always been a believer that light will find its way into the darkness and expose people and things as to who or what they actually are. Yesterday the light shone bright into the darkness of DT and his minions. If you couldn't see it, then you would literally have to be blind, deaf and dumb to any form of rationality.

I think one of the lessons we can take from this is to encourage others (especially our children) to think rationally and independently, to question everything, to look deeper, to not accept any so called "truth" until it's been examined without bias, whether it be political, religious or otherwise. It's not necessarily wise to take what your politicians, your church, the news or even your parents tell you at face value without looking at it from every side with an OPEN mind. Now more than ever the world seems to be in dire need of more critical thinkers.

s. cooper