i'm lucky enough to have fallen in love with someone who wants to know all the little things about me, like my favorite color and how i take my coffee, who loves to see me smile and hear my laughter, who makes me question why i thought i could live without love and who would never do anything to intentionally hurt me or anyone. i'm lucky enough to have fallen in love with someone who sees my flaws and still thinks i'm perfect just the way i am.
i'm lucky enough to love someone whom, when we make love, makes me feel as if i'm being rewarded simply for being me.
sitting here on this sunday night in the stillness. i am thinking about life, mine in particular. i know i've thought this, felt this and probably said it a thousand times, but when it boils right down to it, te only thing that matters, is of any real spiritual or soulful value in life is love.
i belong to facebook group called "the three blessings". members usually post daily at least three things they are grateful for or feel blessed by. sometimes i struggle with three things. most of the time i can make a list much longer. tonight i kept it simple. my three blessings were:
love
love
love
it's so simple and covers everything. it's not just the love i receive. it's that, too, but it's more. there is so much love in the world but so often what we seem to focus on are the ills of society. (guilty!) however, i bet if we just stop and consider all the love that exists in the world, we couldn't even fathom it.
i feel blessed by love. the love between my kids and i, the love between siblings, the love i've shared with coop and mark, the love shared with my animal companions.
but tonight...tonight i am feeling especially blessed by the love of the man in my life. and sometimes the love in me is so big i don't quite know what to do with it. i never used to love so hard, but life and loss in particular have taught me to give in, embrace and experience it completely.
is it scary? yeah, it is for me because life has shown me what incredible loss feels like, so there is always the element of fear. but i also know that it's worth the risk. if we've never truly loved we've never truly lived.
tonight i go to bed with a grateful heart for all the love in my life and in the world.
i like to think i live alone, but i don't. they are always with me.
sometimes they rest, but i know it's just a temporary reprieve.
all it takes is one small thing and they swoop in and before you know it i become mistrusting, indecisive, needy, unworthy...all the things that make me hate myself.
i like to think i'm strong enough to conquer them and the thoughts they feed me. i wish i believed i was.
