awakened by garbage trucks
i do not want to leave the bed
still smelling of union
even with the window open
he the first thought to materialize
the dishes continue to pile
his towel left hanging by the shower
my cinderella slippers lay seductively by the bed
ten minutes up and i am in tears
how do i do this? what do i do
when he is vital like the blood in my veins
when we breathed each other in
like life sustaining oxygen?
how many losses does one have to bear?
no doubt there will be more
i am useless to myself or anyone else
and why wouldn't i be?
i pleaded for help last night
begging whatever gods or entities that might exist
no comfort came no answers heard
only guttural sobs echoing through the night
how can something so beautiful
not be right not be meant to be
not be allowed to be mine
just this once?
how do i bear never seeing his face
his brown eyes looking back at me
or my finger never tracing the curve of his ear
or his lips again?
and where will i worship
when my need to taste him
and the spirit of desire
demands i offer my sacred vessel?
my cruel lover
you have left your imprint and a memory
on everything around me and in me
why did you do this knowing
you would never be mine?
8-18-20
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