us

when i'm with you

your arms are always open

and your lips are always ready to meet mine.

i never have to beg for attention

when i'm with you

it's safe to be me however I show up

i've put you through the test more than once

and yet you hold space for me and never run

sometimes

i'm convinced that you love me

so i cling to the hope of tomorrows

less empty of you

other times

my mind taunts my heart

telling me i'm just a gap filler

to let you experience what is lacking

do i ease the pain of your reality

so you can continue to exist in it

without having to face it

without having to choose what you want?

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

sometimes I cry

because my heart is overflowing

with love and appreciation

for all you give

but sometimes I cry

because the pain of never being sure

of who or what I am to you

is too much to hold in

sometimes i wish

i had never allowed myself

to be vulnerable enough, hungry enough

to kiss your lips or submit to your touch

sometimes i wish

you were still a ghost to me

someone i'd never met

so i would never know 

what us feels like

(c)s.cooper

11-6-2019