you don't measure love in time

  

from past experience alone i know this to be true.  my first husband and i spent nearly 30 years together.  after he passed i met mark. mark and i were only together for 8 years.  in those 8 years i grew and loved more than i had in the previous 30.  mark taught me a whole lot more about myself, my own value and about love in general.  through his love i grew immensely.  and now here i am, 3 years after his death and because of love entering my life once more, resonating even more, i have had my heart opened even further. no, i promise you, the heart doesn't measure love in time at all. 

can you relate?

the last paragraph is my favorite.

"I think midlife is when the Universe gently places her hands upon your shoulders, pulls you close, and whispers in your ear:
I’m not screwing around. It’s time. All of this pretending and performing – these coping mechanisms that you’ve developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt – has to go.

Your armour is preventing you from growing into your gifts. I understand that you needed these protections when you were small. I understand that you believed your armor could help you secure all of the things you needed to feel worthy of love and belonging, but you’re still searching and you’re more lost than ever.

Time is growing short. There are unexplored adventures ahead of you. You can’t live the rest of your life worried about what other people think. You were born worthy of love and belonging. Courage and daring are coursing through you. You were made to live and love with your whole heart. It’s time to show up and be seen.'' Author Brené Brown @brenebrown

questions we're afraid to ask

are you brave enough

to stand in the fire

and not run 

when the flames rise high?

are you strong enough

to hold onto me in the flood

while i'm drowning

and want to let go?

are you willing

to hold me

when the storms rage 

and fill me with fear?

and can you love me

when i'm unlovable

and cannot

love myself?

~sc

1-24-2020

like broken glass

under the covers

rejecting life, afraid of truth

only darkness and sleep

can sooth the pain

of who I am

the thoughts

of everything and nothing

shattered and scattered

reflect my weakness

this incompleteness

close my eyes

let the tears fall

of their own will

while I make my escape

into oblivion

-sc

1-23-2020

be your destiny

whatever it may be.  

be selfish enough to live life for you.

-sc-

rumi quote

Night Tears by Oriah

this seems to resonate with me today as i sit at my desk, grieving my daughter's pain, feeling my own in knowing what's to eventually come.  i wish to run, escape from what i feel, but that isn't possible.  the best i can do is feel what i feel and accept that life is unfair much of the time.  life wounds us and we may never heal completely.  maybe we aren't meant to because those wounds are what can open our heart, or for that matter close it.  we get to choose.  whether consciously or not, i have chosen to allow it to open mine.  therein lay the gift amidst the pain. my heart breaks open and love spills out.  - sc

There is a crying
that happens at night
that does not come
while the light is with us.
There are things that cannot
be evaded
once the sun goes down.
Small nocturnal creatures
with sharp white teeth
silently gnaw at the edges of
belly and heart
when the darkness descends
and the void inside
grows larger.

It can split you open.

And the bone
in the centre of your chest
aches
like the cracked wishing bone
from the turkey breast.

And if we are strong enough
to be weak enough
we are given a wound
that never heals.

It is the gift
that keeps the heart open.

Oriah Mountain Dreamer © 1995

love & magic

in this often dark world

intention

I want to live my life as a prayer 

and a ritual 

weaving reverence 

into every day 

of this human experience.

-smc-

jan. 4th, 2020

change (saturday morning thoughts)

change - it's what life is about.  we grow, we change, we evolve.  our hopes, desires, and dreams change.  our needs change.  we make choices.  we are always on a path of change and discovery.  if we ignore it, if we refuse to change or accommodate our needs, we stagnate.  we often force ourselves to stay in situations that are not healthy for us or others, out of obligation, insecurity or fear.  if we fear change then we are stuck, always accepting less than we'd like or we need, constantly battling within ourselves.   life is change.  being able to embrace change and see where it takes you is living. 

Life will only change when you become more committed to your dreams than you are to your comfort zone. Billy Cox

The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new. Socrates 

Stop being afraid of what could go wrong, and start being excited about what could go right. Tony Robbins

change

nothing is going to change unless i make it so